Mum, we have a new
A random goose photo for illustration purposes, mine was a white (fat)
My family moved to a new house when I was seven
years old, it was on a new estate and surrounded by fields, allotments
and small holdings. Then out of the blue one day I saw a goose walking
down our road. Thinking it needed rescuing I took it into our garage.
Then I set about letting all my friends know about my new pet, I bet
my mum would be pleased too because we may get some free eggs.
garage wasn't really used for anything much because we had oil fired
central heating and both the boiler and oil tank were in the garage
making it to small for a car to fit in too.
Once my friends were
gathered and I'd proved that I really did have a new goose we jointly
decided that it needed some grass in order to build a nest and a dish
of water to drink along with all the bread in the house in case it was
hungry. The goose ignored the bread but ate the grass, at seven I
didn't know that geese were grazers but anyway grass was easy enough
to come by because we had a new lawn!!!
Then at 2:20pm my mum was
spotted walking up the street after finishing work a 2:00pm a few
seconds later she found herself surrounded by about fifteen kids
waiting for me to announce the fact that we have a new goose in our
garage called Charlie. My mum did her best to hide her delight, but I
knew she was pleased really. Next day it was gently broke to me that
we couldn't keep Charlie because it wasn't fair to him. Then my mum
rang the local police to see if anyone had lost a goose, she then
heard some whispering to the effect "there's a woman on the phone
asking if anyone has reported a missing goose hehehe" realising
that she wasn't going to get very far with that approach she called
the RSPCA instead. The bad news was that they said they would come and
pick it up but the good news was it would probably be tomorrow and not
today. So I went in to the garage to see how Charlie was doing and I
took a big bunch of grass from our new but slightly thread bare lawn.
Then I saw it!!! Charlie - sorry Charlene had laid an egg. Maybe if I
kept it quite and put the egg in "the warm drawer" on our oven it
might hatch and I'll be able to keep this one a secret since my mum
seems intent on giving my present goose away. So that is what
happened, the warm drawer was intended to keep food warm until
everything was ready to serve and not to act as an incubator to a
goose egg. Unknown to me the egg was gently cooking and not knowing
how long it took a goose egg to hatch I was prepared for the long
Next day the RSPCA man turned up but wasn't very keen about
just picking the goose up on his own. I offered to help but this was
declined. Eventually he manage to throw a cover over the goose and get
it in to his van. I waved good bye to Charlene and prepared to wait!!!
A few days later and the kitchen wasn't quite as pleasant as it once
was, there was a strange smell beginning to permeate through out the
house but it was worse in the kitchen. A few days later and the fridge
and cupboards were being cleaned out and floors cleaned. Then when all
was quiet I decided to check on my egg, when I opened the warm drawer
it hit me. I had discovered the source of the strange and very
unpleasant odour. I decided to get rid of the evidence but rather than
simply put it in the bin I decided it might be better to give it a
decent burial, in the fields near where I lived. No one ever found out
what had happened, they probably still think it was their cleaning
which did the trick, but shhhh, we know different.
A little secret
So how does a seven year old
get an adult goose in to a garage? Well I'll let you into a secret. I
simply picked it up with no fuss and carried it there, the goose for
its part behaved imPECKably (sorry).